I’m sorry, Marvel. I can accept the superpowers, the goofy plans, the tacit sexism and the copious amounts of derp so far.
But I find it really goddamn hard to believe that the Blob is concerned with the scientific discoveries of the X-Men.
This is actually the very next panel from the one I last posted. Blob’s hair fell out and I’m not sure why. It grows back immediately on the next shot of him, so don’t worry. Also, hey, those guys have that one thing Angel was holding way back in the cover of issue one!
Also, that goober in the cape back there is perhaps the perfect example of why this plan is so worthless. What’s he even for? It looks like he’s patient zero in the first recorded case of ‘Liefield Feet’.
Big Evil Blob’s Big Evil Plan
I imagine you’ve guessed at the Blob’s master plan from earlier posts by now. It’s a stupid one. He returns to the carnival and assembles an army of performers, to kill the X-Men.
However, Xavier sent Angel to spy on them. Why? Because he somehow predicted that the Blob would return to the carnival, assemble an army of performers, and attempt to kill the X-Men.
How did someone so smart predict the stupidest plan possible?
But it doesn’t matter now. It’s too late. Blob is on the scene! He has assembled a band of normal people who are prized for their unusual but largely useless talents to kill five of the most powerful, most dangerous people on the planet, and Marvel Girl.
This is worse than Magneto’s Scooby-Doo villainy. Worse than the Vanisher’s plan to steal something that loses all value the moment it is stolen. This… this one is just sad.
This little tidbit was from the scuffle with the Blob. Look at Iceman. He’s doing it again. The snowball fist, again. The SNOWBALL FIST. That’s the same thing he utterly failed to hit the Vanisher with.
Let’s go over Iceman’s thoughts in this scene:
“I need to stop the Blob, a man who is immune to bullets.”
“I will make a fist out of snow and now I will throw it at him.”
“I missed with my fist made out of snow.”
“‘Ice’ rhymes with ‘nice’ I better use that to make a cold pun later.”
I don’t know what offends me more, the fact that he tried the snowball fist again, or the fact that he missed again. I can forgive missing the Vanisher. He could teleport away instantly, and his costume was so bad it could have blinded him for a while. But the damn Blob is taking up most of the room. How can he miss??
Look at Xavier in the corner there. He’s watching the snow fist sail by, with such a look of ‘Really? The snow fist again? And you MISSED?’ on his face.
Uggin’ Monday: The Blob
After turning down the X-Men, The Blob is attacked and retreats. Rightly realizing that The X-Men (who are apparently little better than some super powered gang afterall) will come after him because he knows where their secret clubhouse is, Blob decides instead to strike first.
With the worst plan ever conceived by a comic book badguy.
But that’s for a later post. It’s Monday, and I know what you’re here for: This.
I swear it seems like he’s gaining mass with every close-up.
More handsomeness from the Blob.
By now, they’ve somehow convinced him to visit the mansion and demonstrate his powers for the Professor. Here he is, post demonstration, smoking a tootsie roll, being a big ugly jerk and giving me fuel for lazy, one-picture posts.
Recruiting the Blob goes very poorly until Angel and Marvel Girl show up.
There’s so much wrong with this. I don’t even have to mention any of it, it’s so everywhere and obvious, but I will because I can.
What direction is Blob’s body facing?
What the hell happened to Cyclops’ face/glasses?
Why is there a car inside the trailer?
Most importantly, though, who ate Angel and Marvel Girl’s souls in this picture? I mean, look at Angel’s face!
I’ve heard of someone having a baby face, but Blob has a baby head.
Cyclops arrives to recruit him into the X-Men, but somehow doesn’t just think better of it and NOPE right out of the room upon staring into this.
This is the first of many delightful close ups of Captain Wattle and his fantastic frame-filling face. I’d save these for Muggin’ Mondays, but there’s not enough Mondays in a human lifespan to post them all.
Sorry about the delay. There will be plenty of Master of Magnet this month!
Some hopelessly dated dialogue here, but most notably the blob uses the word ‘rube’. If you are like me and wonder what that means, I looked it up for you. My dictionary defines it thus:
Rube (n.): See ‘The Blob’ (n.)
Ode to Tex
We need to go back a moment and briefly consider our friend Tex from last update.
There is so much going wrong here that I can’t explain it all. As mentioned before, he’s not looking through the sight of his rifle. He’s bracing the stock with his cheekbone. He’s got this crazy monkey-grip going on with the front of it, there, too. I think most alarming, though, is that even accounting for the perspective, a good foot of that rifle’s stock has to be inside his skull.
Forget Blob. I think Tex is the mutant they’re after.
Bullet Time with the Blob
Wow. Tex is an awful shot with his inexplicable fourteen-round rifle. Judging from the last panel, he was facing the blob at close range and somehow hit him in the neck, knee, gut, armpit, thumb, hip, shoulder and somehow back.
I’m not sure I’d want to be standing where the green-suited showman is if that guy’s firing off shots with that kind of wild spread. Of course, he seems to be sighting down the stock of his gun instead of the sights, so that might have something to do with it.
But hey, wait a second, what’s going on in that middle bottom panel??
Those are ENTIRE bullets, shell casing and firing cap intact! That’s not at all how bullets work! If you are unfamiliar with a bullet, allow me to explain that the back half of it actually remains behind when you shoot; the shell casing. It’s full of powder that propels the bullet tip, the actual projectile part, outward. But Tex somehow shot the shell casings and all out of the barrel of his gun, which isn’t even physically possible!
Also, I really get the feeling that Jack Kirby referenced a couch for that image. All I am seeing is buttons and cushions. But you know what he didn’t reference?